


Stargaze

by then00breturns1101



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gift Fic, Light Angst, M/M, gaster is workin on the whole recovery thing, sir this is my emotional support oneshot about an emotional support noodle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28329180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/then00breturns1101/pseuds/then00breturns1101
Summary: Either something domestic (like Gaster trying and failing at cooking dinner for Grillby, and they end up cooking together), or maybe something like a classic Grillster amnesia fic (with a happy or bittersweet ending). Or pure fluff. Fluff is good.a gift fic for a grillster gift exchange where gaster finds another new thing in the world to give him some joy
Relationships: W. D. Gaster/Grillby
Comments: 3
Kudos: 24





	Stargaze

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JekkieFan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JekkieFan/gifts).



Walking home from therapy was always a strange kind of experience, Gaster thought. Even though he could take the bus, and Grillby offered to drive him back, he actually liked the time to think that walking gave him. Like meditation, except it didn’t send him dissociating. There was just enough grounding sensation in walking to keep him steady and let him think. Not to mention how the night sky still felt so comforting after going so long without seeing the stars. Darkness wasn’t his friend, but he’d rarely felt so much at home than when looking at the stars he had missed so much.

His therapist had recommended he get an emotional support animal.

Not necessarily something as trained, regulated, and expensive as a _service_ animal, but rather a pet that would bring him comfort without being overwhelming. Just something to think about. Something to mull over in his head, thinking about the pros and cons, thinking about how it would even happen.

He’d have to bring it up with Grillby, of course. They hadn’t really discussed pets before, or the possibility of them. Not because either of them had any particular dislike of them, but more because it just felt like they had a lot on their plates.

Not to mention that Gaster was already trying to re-learn to care for himself. He didn’t need yet another fragile living thing dependent on him to keep it safe and happy and to actually _be there,_ not just disappear and—

He tapped his fingers against his collarbone, pulling himself back into the present. Not much use dwelling on past parenting regrets. Besides, according to what little information he already had on emotional support animals, the act of caring for something else was often helpful in reminding patients to take care of themselves, too.

Admittedly, the idea was one that frightened him a little. He wasn’t sure he could do it. Even then, it felt kind of… overwhelming. Dogs were loud and messy, and needed constant attention. Cats were nice, but they also needed a lot of care. Once upon a time he would’ve loved one, but now even the relative independence of a cat still felt overwhelming.

Maybe later. Maybe once he was a little better at being… at _being._ At _existing._ It was a surprisingly difficult thing to get used to, existing after having spent so long in a bizarre, disorienting state of nonexistence and void.

Already, things felt a little bit easier. Bit by bit, he was remembering how to _be._

“What about a hamster?” Grillby asked Gaster after being told about that day’s session. They were sitting on the couch together, wrapped up in a blanket and watching a baking show to fill the silence—their weekly ritual. “Or rats? They’re pretty smart.”

“They are, but they don’t live very long,” Gaster responded, hands emerging from the blanket to sign. “I’d hate to get attached and lose them after only a couple of years.”

“…Hard to lose what you love.” Grillby’s flame dimmed, though he made no other motion. Gaster knew him well enough to tell that he was starting to get too many things on his mind again. They both had a habit of doing that.

Gaster pulled Grillby in a little bit closer, letting their heads rest together, and clicked his teeth affectionately. Grillby responded by kissing Gaster on top of the skull and wrapping an arm around him. His flame brightened up a little to its usual orange hue.

“A goldfish, maybe?” he suggested with a joking grin, to which Gaster just rolled his eyes.

“Right,” Gaster signed, “and I’m sure you’ll help with the water changes, won’t you?” Grillby crackled with laughter.

“At least we wouldn’t have to take it for walks.”

“Water chemistry is a headache, though.” Gaster frowned and tapped his knuckles. There was a reason he was a physicist and not a chemist. Well, he _had been_ a physicist. At the moment, he would more accurately describe himself as a disaster. A disaster who was slowly remembering and re-learning how not to be a disaster. Right. Baby steps.

At his age, calling them baby steps still felt demeaning. He knew all of this. He used to be able to _function._ He could work and take care of himself and take care of his sons and keep up his friendships and partnership, and he didn’t need constant help and reminding and to be treated like he was made of glass, like the slightest trigger would set him off, because it _would_ set him off and—

“You with me, love?” Grillby murmured, giving Gaster’s collarbone a gentle tap.

Right.

Got a little too… caught up in his head again, didn’t he?

Gaster nodded, focusing on what was around him.

A blanket. Grillby’s arm. The TV. The couch. Right. He was here, Grillby was here, and things were okay. They would be okay.

“You’re not afraid of snakes, are you?” Gaster asked Grillby a few days later over breakfast. Grillby paused, fork halfway between his plate and mouth.

“Do I want to know why you’re asking this?”

“I think you can tell where I’m going.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard of an emotional support snake,” Grillby hummed pensively as he put his fork back down. “Feels like that’s the opposite of their usual reputation.”

“Well, I think they’re kind of cute, actually.” Gaster shrugged, and Grillby’s flame wavered in a brief yellow of confusion.

“…Again, opposite of their usual reputation.”

“Do you not like snakes?”

“I don’t… much care for them, but if you wanted a snake, I wouldn’t be opposed,” Grillby said with a knowing smirk. He knew Gaster well enough to tell this was just a roundabout way of asking that.

Gaster, true to self, looked somewhat surprised at having been found out. Right. He kept forgetting that Grillby _remembered_ these things about him now—all those little quirks and particularities. Reminding himself of that felt like coming into a warm room from a snowstorm outside—it was nice, but it took some getting used to.

“Well… maybe? Can I show you some of the resources I’ve found?”

Grillby smiled and nodded. “After work, Dings.”

They spent the evening, and then the next few weeks’ worth of evenings afterwards, sharing videos and articles and research on the subject. Grillby didn’t bother hiding the adoring warmth that washed off him as Gaster signed excitedly. It was so good to see him excited again. He had missed this—he’d missed it so much, once he knew there was something to be missed. Once Gaster and the memories of him were back in his life. Once that missing piece had finally been returned to him.

They had already bought the supplies, the tank, just about everything they would need except the snake itself. Now, they sat on the couch again, watching a movie they’d both seen half a dozen times before as Gaster signed half to himself about what to do next.

Grillby realized, belatedly, that he’d gotten a bit lost in thought. The last thing he remembered Gaster talking about was the debate over basking lamps versus heat mats, and now his soulmate was going on about how there were scaleless snakes somehow. Whatever leaps of conversation had to have been made to connect those topics were beyond Grillby, but he was just happy to watch the signs, his arms wrapped around Gaster’s ribcage and chin resting on his collarbone.

It was another couple minutes later when he realized Gaster was trying to get his attention, gently patting his face.

“Grillby?” he signed, turning around to sign at him more easily. “Did you see what I said?”

“Hm? No, I… sorry. Could you repeat it?”

Gaster chuckled and repeated the signs for Grillby to see. “I asked if you wanted to look at some websites and… well, pick a snake. Everything would be ready by the time it arrives.”

“Oh! Well… yeah, I think we’re ready. You are, at least—I think you’ve consumed every snake video known to human and monsterkind.”

“Doubt I could do that if I tried, but… I feel ready.”

“Still a little nervous?” Grillby asked, noting the slight tremor in Gaster’s hands.

“A little, but… well. I’ve had worse, haven’t I?”

It was a bit of a self-deprecating joke, but Grillby could see the sentiment behind it. Gaster had definitely been through worse, he’d been through _far_ worse than anyone should have had to go through, but that also meant he was doing better. Slowly but surely, one step at a time, remembering how to be okay again.

Pride and hope swelled through Grillby for a moment, making him burn brighter as he gave Gaster a kiss. They were going to be okay. One way or another, they could make it happen.

Three agonizing days of waiting later, the box arrived at their door with Gaster over the moon in his excitement. Gaster lifted the little snake out of the container with more gentleness than he thought he was capable of. As it wound itself around his hands, tail flicking with alert curiosity, Gaster found himself absolutely transfixed.

Grillby watched over his shoulder, smiling.

“Alright, I do admit it’s pretty dang cute. Especially with how small it is.”

“It’s _tiny!_ ” Gaster fingerspelled with his free hand, not daring to move the one the snake was curled up in. Its head pulled back to tuck into a ball and Gaster felt himself almost tear up with how _cute_ it was.

Grillby took a picture to commemorate the occasion as Gaster placed the snake into the terrarium, where it immediately slithered into a hiding place. Now began the long process of waiting before they could feed and handle it.

It had been a long time since Gaster had been so excited to _wait._ The payoff was incredible, at least—the feeling of joy and wonder at holding the tiny python in his hands, watching it slither and explore, looking at the keen and curious expression in its eyes, wasn’t one he expected to get, but it still felt achingly familiar.

It reminded him of that awestruck wonder he used to feel when he saw the stars. Marveling at the beauty of it all, at just how small it made him feel—and yet, just how special, because he got to exist to see it all.

It reminded him of the joy of existing, of how wonderful it was to _be._ He was nearly blinded in the face of it.

Grillby watched them both as the snake stretched its head out towards Gaster’s face from where it was perched on his hand. Its tongue flicked out and grazed the bridge of his nose, debating just how comfy the skull would be as a hiding place. Gaster held it a little further away, that smile still brightening his features.

“So, do you think you have a name decided on yet?” Grillby asked, chin resting on his hand as he watched the scene. “We’ve got to call it something one of these days.”

Gaster held his free hand out to fingerspell the name. It wasn’t conventional, but neither was he. He was just trying to remember how he used to be, trying to remember how to exist and how to be happy about it, how to feel that joy again. If the snake in his hand and the night sky above could spark that same feeling, it was only fitting to connect them.

“Stargaze.”


End file.
